The trails for IAH2009 are going to be AWESOME!
Friday and Monday's run will be short and sweet. On Saturday, we will be have ZiPpY, Turkey, Eagle and BallBuster runs, and on Sunday, we will have ZiPpY, Turkey and Eagle runs.
In order to provide a great hashing experience, we will generally be limiting the number of runners per trail between 100-125 runners, with a few exceptions. All runs that have limits will require pre-registration, runner checkin before boarding the busses (when there are busses), and checkin after the run, to make sure no-one is lost. The run signup sheets for the trails will be in the venue at the information / signup / lost and found area, with signups between 7:30 am - 10:00 am. The only exception to this is the signup for Saturday's Ball Buster runs. Signup for the Ball Busters will be Friday, with a deadline for signup at 9:00 pm.
Note: The DC Hash (Rocky Mountain Top Romp, E2) has advance email signup and/or other special direct arrangements. Details will be posted as soon as we receive them.
Trails In detail:
Friday's Hash: Short & sweet, hared by the fun loving Chucky Cheeks. Start at the Venue (5 pm) for a grand Welcome hash! No pre-registration required. Zippy’ers welcome too!
Monday's Bimbo Mimosa Hash: Join Two Lips at 9:30 am Monday morning at the Venue for the Bimbo hash and be rewarded with Mimosa’s!
Saturday and Sundays Hashes:Turkey trails are hash runs, typically on trails, and are easier and shorter than the Eagle trails. They generally will be between 2 to 4 miles and take about 1.5 hours to complete. Three Turkey trails are offered both Saturday and Sunday, slated to provide you with a memorable outdoor Colorado experience without being too taxing. Most Turkey trails will depart from the Venue at the hash bus area at 12:00 pm (noon) Saturday and Sunday unless noted otherwise below. Same-day pre-registration is required, and trails will be limited, which will be noted on the sign-up sheets.
Note: Click on the profile image to get a detailed map of the profile.
Turkey Trails:
T1 - The Shitty Trail.
Hares: Thurston Forebush, Dipstick, Little Red Dipshit & XIyrBitch
This trail will let you experience the best shit Winter Park has to offer. The trail is a mix of condo properties, forested glades, bike paths, meadows, and an artistic water feature (stream) or two. There will be shiggy (it is Colorado after all). On this trail, you will receive government provided instruction on the differences between deer shit, elk shit, and moose shit. You will also have a scenic view of some of Winter Park’s own shit. If we are lucky, other species will let us further our shitty education. This trail is Colorado-flat – we are not climbing to the top of a mountain. True trail is around 3 miles. We will have a scenic beer check.
The start is a five minute walk from the Venue. Head (who said head) north (left) from the Venue on Winter Park Drive. Turn right on Old Town Drive. The start is in the Lone Tree Park and Ride on your left.
T2 - Colorado’s Excellent Adventure
Hares: Cum Scout, Bone Blower, GreenPiece & Rosebud
Meet at the Venue at the hash bus stop at 12:00 pm noon to get bused to the start. This trail starts next to the beautiful St. Louis Creek near Fraser. You’ll probably get your feet wet on at least one river crossing. The scenery is unbeatable as you look toward the continental divide and glimpse the snow that never completely melts on the high mountain peaks. Length ~3 miles.
T3 - Sweet Honey Show Jizz
Hares: Shoe Fucker, AnybodysBitch & Spermes
This is the Turkey split from the Devious Honey Shoe Jizz Eagle (E1) trail. This trail will take a more leisurely route up the mountain. Bring your camera to capture the views of the surrounding peaks as you rise to over 10,700 ft. Be ready for surprises and fun. Length ~3 miles. Sorry, no dogs. Meet the hares at the Venue bus stop at 11:00 am. Pre-registration required on the T3 sign-up sheet.
T4 - Double Jeopardy
Hares: Knee Deep in Brown Stuff, Krabs’R’Us, Captain Fanhashtic, Filipenis & Pylon
This trail is shared with Eagles (E3). See the E3 trail description and join them for departure at the Venue bus stop at 11:00 am. Pre-registration required on the E3 sign-up sheet, with no distinguishing Turkey vs. Eagle in advance – this decision can be made live on trail!
Eagle Trails:
Eagle trails are longer hash runs not for the faint of heart. They generally will be between 5 to 8 miles, and take about 2.5 hours to complete. Five Eagle trails are offered both Saturday and Sunday, guaranteed to stretch your capabilities while maximizing your Colorado trail experience! All Eagle trails will depart from the Venue at the bus stop at 11:00 am Saturday and Sunday unless otherwise noted in the trail description. Please carefully check the trail description or sign-up for exact time and location of departure. Eagle trail hashers are strongly encouraged to carry water and rain gear, along with their emergency whistle. Same-day pre-registration is required, and trails will be limited. Some busing may be involved, but not very long distances..
E1 - The Devious Honey Shoe Jizz
Hares: Shoe Fucker, AnybodysBitch & Spermes
Board the bus at the Venue at 11:00 am for a ride to the hash start. This hash starts at the base of the famous Mary Jane ski area. It moves away from the oxygen right away. You’ll soon have incredible views of the mountain valley, as the trail winds its way up ward among black diamond ski runs. Be ready for anything, including rocks, bears, and bikers as this ~5-mile trek leads you to your final reward. Not heaven you idiots, beer..
E2 - Rocky Mountain Top Romp
Hares: Mouse, I Like Your Boobs, Howser, Doo Wayne & Army Guy
This is a challenging run all above 10,500 feet. It goes from one high point to another, running on mountain bike trails, ski runs, and through deep mountain pine forest. The run provides magical views of the mountains and the valleys below. Meet at the base of the Zephyr Express chair lift at 11:00 am to claim your ticket from the hares to ride to the start of the trail – Sunspot. You must be fit and acclimated to altitude to enjoy this run. Whistles will be used for hashers in trouble- bring them, but don’t use them unless you need help. This run is strictly limited to the first 100 persons to sign up; advance sign-ups were via email to Mouse at DCHasher@aol.com. Onsite sign-ups may be available if any remaining spots exist.
E3 - Double Jeopardy
Hares: Knee Deep in Brown Stuff, Krabs’R’Us, Captain Fanhashtic, Filipenis & Pylon
This challenging trail is really two trails in one. There are several turkey/eagle splits, so many different levels of runners to walkers can enjoy the scenery and circle together at the end. You will encounter trees, streams, views and even a few Hobbit homes. Don’t be fooled by its beauty – the Eagle portions of this trail packs plenty of beast. Please don’t feed the Hobbits. Eagles & Turkeys meet at the Venue at the shuttle bus stop at 11:00 am to get bused to the start. Trail length ~5.5 miles.
E4 - Swamp Thing
Hares: I Blow, Facial, Manhandler, Three Ball & Wet Willie
Scenery: Wildflowers, mountain views, aspen groves and mud. Average Altitude: 9,400 ft. Trail Length: ~5 miles. Your trailmasters are transplants from the Oregon and Eugene Hashes where we used to eat shiggy for breakfast. Combine that with the Colorado High Country and you get an epic Shiggy Eagle Trail. Mud, steep climbs and descents, runaway rocks, soggy shoes, sharp pointy branches and the resulting blood are no big deal for these hashers. Most of the trail will be off trail, so shortcutting might leave you exposed at the top of 13,294 ft James Peak in an afternoon lighting storm. Be sure to bring beaver repellent, cougar bait, bear bells, and ankle condoms for the ankle-deep moose poop on trail. Why on earth would you want to run (or at least stumble along) this crazy tourturefest of a trail? Your female hares serving cold beer in nothing but shiggy at the beer check. Oh yeah!
Start in the upper parking lot for the Winter Park Mountain Lodge Hotel. Follow signs to the brewpub, we'll be waiting for you right outside, unless we're inside drinking.
E5 - Up, Up and Away
Hares: Erection Master, Shit Yeah, No Girth & Kitty Fucker
Meet outside the Derailer bar, ground level at the Venue for the trail start at 11:00 am. This trail is sure to get you “up up and away” – but not in a balloon! The trail rolls up and down with some steep climbs topping out at 10,100 feet. Trail varies from shared bike trails to bush whacking, water crossings and generally remains in the trees for beautiful valley views and glimpses of the mountains. A beer stop ensures good care during this ~6 mile-long adventure.
Ball Buster Trails:
The Ball Buster trails will test all your capabilities in the high mountain elevations of Colorado. All Ball Busters must carry water, and are advised to also carry rain gear. Exposure to heights is likely, and ankle-twisting terrain guaranteed. The Ball Buster hashes will be 7 to 9 miles, and can take from 3.5 to 5 hours to complete. Two Ball Buster hashes are offered, set to depart at different times from the Venue on Saturday (and only on Saturday). Pre-registration by 9:00 pm on Friday is required.
B1. I almost Died on the Divide!
Hares: Head Eunuch, Dribbles, Dipstick, Snowjob & Can’t Say No
Head Eunuch is a sadistic Asshole. That’s what you’ll be saying as you climb the first mile of his twisted idea of fun. Once you take in the view from atop the Continental Divide, you’ll know why he brought you here. It’s breathtaking, and not just from the lack of oxygen at 11,600 ft. – you can see well over 100 miles to the peaks of Western Colorado from here! You’ll also see remnants of the old rail line from the early 1900’s that carried passengers and supplies to the Fraser valley. As the trail rises and falls several hundred ft., you’ll see snow sheds that protected the trains from 20 ft. snow drifts lying in pieces on high altitude tundra, reminding you how harsh the environment is up here. Finally, when the trail ends, you’ll be able to say you were in the highest circle in IAH history, after running the highest Hash trail in IAH history. Trail length ~7 miles; average altitude 11,500 ft. Meet at the Venue bus stop 8:15 am on Saturday for busing to the start.
B2 - Berthoud Pass High Altitude Ball Buster
Hares: Big Bird, Knees Up, Pump Me Harder & Icehole
Trail starts at 11,314 feet and goes up, WAY UP, from there. This alpine hash will provide you with views of the Continental Divide and many other Colorado mountains, not counting those on the Harriettes! You may encounter marmots, pikas, mountain goats, and although there are no streams, some beaver (be sure to share). A third lung may prove beneficial as well as some extra cookies since you'll likely be tossing some to the critters along the way to the beer. Remember, the hares are your friends and miserable is memorable! Meet at the Venue bus stop 10 am on Saturday for busing to the start.
